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My cousin ordered a pizza for her and her little brother and it's actually the funniest story i've ever heard in my life. In her own words, this is what happened:

  • Cousin:

    so, the pizza guy got here, and he was REALLY REALLY HOT and had a REALLY ATTRACTIVE VOICE

  • Cousin:

    and he was like "your total is $16.38"

  • Cousin:

    and I handed him a $20 and he was like "how much change do you want"

  • Cousin:

    and I

  • Cousin:

    just

  • Cousin:

    stared

  • Cousin:

    at him

  • Cousin:

    for like 20 seconds

  • Cousin:

    and he was like "how much change do you want?"

  • Cousin:

    (IT GOES DOWN HILL. THIS IS NOT THE EMBARRASSING THING YET.)

  • Cousin:

    and I'm like "$2? [awkwardly long pause] $1? ...... NONE"

  • Cousin:

    NO CHANGE

  • Cousin:

    AND I LITERALLY GRABBED THE PIZZA

  • Cousin:

    AND SLAMMED THE DOOR

  • Cousin:

    (STILL GETTING WORSE, DON'T WORRY)

  • Cousin:

    ONCE THE DOOR HAS BEEN SLAMMED I REALIZE

  • Cousin:

    THE PIZZA

  • Cousin:

    IS

  • Cousin:

    STILL

  • Cousin:

    IN

  • Cousin:

    THE

  • Cousin:

    FUCKING

  • Cousin:

    CARRYING BAG

  • Cousin:

    AND FROM THE PORCH HE'S LIKE "um i need that back"

  • Cousin:

    AND I'M LIKE SHIT MAN

  • Cousin:

    AND I HAD TO OPEN THE DOOR

  • Cousin:

    AND WAIT FOR HIM TO PULL THE PIZZAS OUT

  • Cousin:

    AND HE'S JUST STARING AT ME

  • Cousin:

    AND I'M DYING

  • Cousin:

    AND IT TOOK LIKE A WHOLE 30 SECONDS

  • Cousin:

    AND MY BROTHER COMES UP AND HE IS LIKE

  • Cousin:

    SHE IS FLUSTERED CUZ SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE

  • Cousin:

    AND I DECIDE THAT CLEARLY I NEED TO PUSH HIM BY HIS FACE

  • Cousin:

    WHICH ONLY MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE

  • Cousin:

    AND THAT IS WHY I CAN NEVER EVER EVER ORDER DOMINOS EVER AGAIN FOREVER

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